Love Wins

Something hit me this week. Last year, as a first-year teacher, it seemed like everything revolved around God teaching me humility, and grace, and strength. Ashley had to grow and change and mature into Mrs. Blain, and some days were so much less eloquent than others. I hadn't stopped to think about God teaching me love through my call as a teacher, because I thought I was learning love through marriage. Teachers need to have classroom management and structure and consistency. But love?

So many days I feel like I sell my students short, because I can't give them enough (fill in the blank). Time. Energy. Joy. Acceptance. Safety. Hope. Authenticity.

But love?

This year could not be more different from that first year as a high school teacher. I was learning classroom management, and how to deal with cranky parents, and students who didn't want to learn, and co-workers who didn't care about anyone other than themselves. But this year, nothing is about me, really. This year, it's about my students. And love.

The weariness, the brokenness, the vulnerability. I see it so clearly in my students faces, in their actions and their words. I see it in their exhaustion and anger. I even see it in their grades. So many of my students come to school to simply get away from home. The students with perfect attendance seem to be failing their classes. It's not about getting the grades, it's about getting out.

I've been paying attention to my relationship with students. So many of them don't know how to have healthy relationships with anyone, so I try to be intentional about praising them, listening to their stories, showing them it's okay to be angry, but that they have to use words, not actions, to convey that anger. And some days, that is so hard.

I'm seeing my love for these students grow and morph the longer I teach in rural Idaho.

Just when I think I have love figured out, God reveals something new, like with my students. They are so inept at times to show or even accept love; they can't earn it- I simply choose to give it.

And that's how Christ's love is for me. I've been trying to wrap my head around that revelation this week, then tonight, a new thought hit me: God loved me the moment I was born, and that love will be constant until the day He embraces me at His throne. He loves me the same now as He did when I cheated on a spelling test in the first grade, or when I stayed up with a friend and stroked her hair after a break-up, or when I spewed anger at a co-worker. God's love doesn't change, or waver, or get lost amid my own flaws. God hurts when I hurt, and hurts when I sin, but His love never runs out or becomes less.

I want to love like that.

Unconditional, raw, can't-earn-it-or-lose-it love.

Because love wins.

If I can show students that kind of love, then Love really does win, because that kind of love is Christ.

Our world is about to drastically change in Idaho. Don and Patty are moving, and Josh and I will be void of family. I've yelled at God quite a bit these last few months, over many things. My family...miles. Josh's family...change. A baby...loss. My grandma...cancer. Josh's grandpa...Lou Gehrig's. Loneliness. Darkness. Cold.

Some days, I vacillate on one question: Why should we stay?

Force? No. Expectations? No. Certainly not for "scenic" Idaho. I have no loyalties to this dark and gloomy state!

But for Love? For Christ? I'm seeing the unmistakable call placed on Josh's life as Eternal Hope Wesleyan Pastor, and the call placed on my life as CVHS teacher, Mrs. Blain.

Even though I still yell at God, I can't help but feel excitement over being a part of this call, this love.

I pray that Love will spread like wildfire! No pain is wasted, in me, in Josh, in my students, in our church, or our family.

Love wins. And that is worth staying for.