Pregnancy has emboldened me in many ways. It's odd.
But something I keep fighting with is my reaction to other Christians. Young Christians.
Josh tells me I cannot be the morality police, but there's something about professing Christianity that I believe calls people to a higher standard, and to accountability. The tragic thing is, most people do not want accountability. Or some people say they do, but then get mortally offended when actually held accountable.
Pre-pregnancy, I would read friends' posts on Facebook- Christian friends- and there would be something that I disagreed with or found offensive. I wouldn't say anything pre-pregnancy, but now that I'm five months pregnant and ever aware of the responsibility coming to Josh and I in four short months, I find myself speaking out. Why? I haven't a clue. Maybe it's my hormones. Maybe it's something subconscious preparing me to confront the tough stuff with this child. Maybe I'm just finally fed up with flaky, lukewarm Christians.
And maybe I'm actually mad about the way other "Christians" represent my God.
But here's the thing: I really can't be the morality police. Jesus didn't even do that. Jesus spoke truth---in love; how did he always do that? I fail at that so miserably---but he gave people a choice. The Pharisees and the Sadducees called themselves believers, but they were people Jesus spoke truth to, bold truth, and people Jesus didn't chase down. He let them continue in their hypocrisy and religious falsehood when they chose to ignore Truth himself.
What really has my heart churning, though, is the justification and the arrogance of sin. And maybe it breaks my heart because I know I've done that, and I know it hurt ME. I want so badly to save that hurt for others, but if I can't be the morality police, I certainly can't be Christ either. I cannot save, I cannot redeem, I cannot judge.
And I am not perfect. I have my own flaws and blemishes, to be sure, and I need grace just as much as everyone else. But it still breaks my heart to see young, brazen Christians flirting with the world while at the same time proclaiming to follow my God, and justifying their sin.
And I don't know where my place is in that.
This blog isn't meant to point out anything profound, rather, it's meant to vent. And this blog is an admission: I still need help on this journey, on my own walk, and walking with others. Oh, how often I botch things up.
